I am not well trained in studio lighting, or should I say I am not at all trained in studio lighting. Hence the very harsh darks in this shot. I definitely need to learn how to set up lights. But I am not going to dwell on the technical aspects of this photograph too much. The intent of this shoot was to observe close up shots of myself non-judgmentally.

Uploading them and editing them was an interesting experience. I first started off making the images look gauzy, trying to minimize wrinkles or just soften the look of my face in general. But after doing it to so many, I decided that after a point they just didn't look like me anymore. I want to look like me.

Or should I say, I want to want to look like me. I want to see my face and be fine with the size of my pores, or my oily skin, or the lines on my neck. Or whatever thing I have deemed unattractive about myself at the moment. And if I really wanted to go deep today, I could ask myself this.

Why do I feel I have to be attractive? Do I really think my worth is dependent on my looks?

I want to say no to that. I really do. I hope at some point during this year long project I will be able to. Right now though, the answer is not so clear.