Obscured

I'm not hiding in this photo. But this post is about what I keep hidden. Or rather, what I hide from myself. About myself.

Today is my birthday and already I have been showered with good wishes from family and friends. I know I am loved and cherished by so many people. It is a beautiful feeling. But a feeling that, for me, can be fleeting. Because as with most outside validation, it doesn't last. Especially when inside I don't necessarily believe in my inherent value.

As I have mentioned before, I have worked a lot to love me. To find compassion for myself. I have come a long way. But still, I find it easier to believe the negative about me. I'm unreliable, tend to laziness, bossy, quick to anger. You get the gist.

So I look outside for the good stuff. I surround myself with wonderful people who are eager to tell me all the things they love about me. But as I said above, it's never going to be enough until I actually find a way to believe it myself. Until I push aside the negative junk that's hiding the positive.

This photo is blurry. It's hard to tell what's really going on. But if you look closer, you'll see beauty in there. Lush greenery, life, summer light. I want to be a part of that.

I have obscured my own beauty and light by allowing myself to dwell on my more negative traits. Giving them more strength than they deserve. But since it's my birthday, and I love presents, I'm going to give myself one. I will say and think only positive things about myself today. And if someone says something nice about me, I promise to believe them.

Happy Birthday to me.