Tell me you're with me

That I'm not the only who gets so far behind she can't even fathom a way to catch up?

I missed my self portrait last week, so I'm committing to two this week. And the week is very nearly over. And I'm trying not to panic!

So, last week I was in the throes of an important work project, plus trying to prepare to take Friday and Monday off of work so I could spend a long weekend in Manhattan with my daughter in celebration of her 21st birthday (which I can still hardly believe--I don't feel old enough to have a 21-year-old!). I thought I would be oh-so-inspired to take amazing photos in New York, and I thought for sure I'd do some fantastic self portrait. Maybe me dwarfed by the Manhattan skyline, or me, frozen on a busy street while crowds swarmed around me. Even without a tripod. I'd shed any self-consciousness and be a daring photographer. Oh the ideas I had.

Only none of that happened. I had a great weekend doing all sorts of things I wanted to do and really enjoying the time with my daughter. Experiencing more, documenting less. And then when I got back late Monday night I had to play catch up starting bright and early Tuesday morning, and after that the week got even more busy.

But tonight Jane and I went out to that excellent marsh that we both can't get enough of, and I breathed and remembered the things that really inspire me, photographically, that is. I do love the city. I love the buildings and the noise and the different languages and colors and backgrounds of all the people, but I want to be in that more than documenting it. I want to soak it up and roll around in it and feel all of it. I'm not sure I know how to photograph that kind of experience, I guess. So again, another shot from the marsh. I am unapologetic (I'm also working on my unapologeticness. Just sayin'.)

But back to tonight. And the first of two self portraits this week, you know, to catch up. The bugs tonight were relentless. I noticed that the longer I stood still, the larger the swarm around me got. I'm running from the swarm, but maybe also running from my regrets (over not being daring enough to do a self portrait in New York), and maybe also running toward the me I am starting to accept more--the one who is unapologetic, the one who knows that she loves the city but really thrives in open spaces, the one who is accepting of her faults and weirdness, the one who is learning new things every day.