Not Mine

I

I have written about having migraines on this blog before. How I get them and try to slog on through them as best I can. Sometimes that means going through the motions of my day, attempting to interact with family and friends. Sometimes it means laying on the couch with the tv on. A lot of times, it means heading straight to bed with a cover over my eyes. Some days, I can stop them with an Imitrex. Say what you will about modern medicine and pharmaceuticals, these things have given me a chance to get back a part of my life that was taken away by migraines.

I hate migraines.
I hate the pain they cause.
The disruption.
The shame.
The feeling that I am a burden.
That I am "less than" because I suffer from chronic headaches.
That if only I could find the cause, I could relieve myself of these nasty soul crushers.

Over the years, I have learned what triggers a migraine for me. But I cannot always control the weather, or my hormones, or any outside stressors. Migraines are a part of my life. That is how it is, that is what I have accepted.

But what I don't accept anymore is that they define me. That they lessen me. That they take away my spirit and my passions.

I used to call them "my migraines". Now I reject that phrase.
These are not mine. They never have been, never will be.
Migraines are pain, and worry, and isolation.

Migraines are something that happens to me, they are not me.

I am strength, and freedom, and life.
I will always be that.
Before, during, and after a migraine.

Not mine, not ever.