Last hurrah

I really don't like how I'm feeling right now.

This place--the cottage--is where I spend a good quarter of the year or more. We close it up for the winter and while that makes perfect sense, it sure hits me hard.

I miss it the second it's done. I regret what I didn't get to while I was here (I never made a pie this year, or jam; I never day-tripped further north like I planned; I didn't invite friends I wanted to invite). It magnifies what I see as my failings, all the things that I didn't have time for, didn't get around to, didn't wake up early enough to do or stay up late enough to see. But these failings are not just there, they're everywhere I am. 

I think it's more about the making of time and space to do things. I keep putting things off. I'm putting myself off, really. I want to think about the coming year as the time to stop hesitating.